How to deal with new step daughter once we're remarried

#1 Larenzia01

Newbie

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Posts: 3

I'm happy about getting married in Sept. I have 2 children daughter 10 Son 13. My mate has daughter 8 who he just received custody of, this hard because my children are in private school and and his daughter will be living with us. There are no more spaces in my children school and this means that he will have to take her every day to his grandmothers who stays about 30min away his ex wife dose not help at all with her. I'm starting to feel like this is going to be to much to deal with. I have raised my children different from the way she has been raised. I think the ex wife is doing this on purpose.I love his daughter very much but my daughter and I are very close and I don't see me being that close with his daughter. I feel like her mother should take up more time with her.

#2 Jill

Family Psychotherapist

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Location:London UK
Interests:the family!

Do you think that you need more time, as a family, to settle before you have your wedding? Its a big change for all of you to suddenly have your partners daughter living with you. The little girl, too, is going to need time to adjust to so many changes.

Don't expect over-night to feel as close to her as you do to your daughter. Why not take some more time to let the dust settle and to regroup as the 'new' family? Perhaps by then a place will have come up at your children's school which would probably make the whole situation easier to manage. Do talk about all this with your partner, especially about your feelings of resentment towards his ex.

Jill Curtis, Psychotherapist, Family Onwards, Author of How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings)

#3 Larenzia01

Newbie

Group: Registered users
Posts: 3

Thanks so much for your help. I really don't think that he is thinking about all of this we have been dating for 3 years now and he is really ready to make this step and I know that I am also. I just want all of us to be happy we have fixed his daughter up her own bedroom, she loves it. I just get so angry because of the way her mother treats her. Do you think my partner should speak to his ex about spending more time with her, we have not told his ex that we are getting married and that her daugther will be staying with us. I really think she needs to know.

#4 the_admin

Remarriage Forum Moderator

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Posts: 958
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Honesty is always the best policy. Tell the ex and the daughter that you are planning to be married. Speak to your fiance about his daughter, your feelings about her and your feelings about her mother but don't tell him to speak to the ex. let him decide if he should/could do that. Only he really knows how it will be accepted. Have lots of dialog BEFORE the big event.

I Do - Take Two Moderator