[armymom]

A close friend of mine has a son in the military, as I do. He had a courthouse wedding last year. My friend sent me an announcement and said a celebration will follow. I just received a bridal shower invitation with a list of places they are registered. Apparently, they are having an all out wedding in September. I was told by my friend not to tell anyone they are already married. This whole thing has really upset me! I have not said anything to my friend as I know it will destroy the relationship. I realize, at times, being in the military there are many sacrifices. My own son married quietly, and they are living with the consequences of that. This seems to be a trend in the military today, to go "all out" when the time is convenient. I feel there are plenty of civilian couples that don't have the big wedding for many reasons and live with it. Please, I respect and admire anyone that serves but that doesn't give the "bride" a license to be tacky. Maybe I'm not being fair. I am so upset with the dishonesty, I declined to go to the shower. I will go to the wedding with a big gift and muddle through it. Am I not being fair to feel we as guest are being used? Thank you, in advance.

[the_admin]

We hear this all too often. Most feel as you do and unless you're very close with this family you may be right to hush. But you don't have to attend or approve. Perhaps if everyone just "said no", once in a while, our next generation would have more sense of personal responsibility.

The trend toward entitlement is astounding, really. This whole sense of bring deserving and overly inflated self esteem has really lost control. I wish all parents were like you, knowing that their child cannot possibly have everything they want and that there are consequences with every action (or lack of action). What I find disturbing about your particular story is the level of deceit this mother and couple are willing to go in order to have it all. They obviously know their plan to have a wedding after they are already married will be viewed negatively, otherwise they wouldn't suggest keeping their marriage a secret. So, this mother is not only encouraging more entitlement, but she's also encouraging lying in order to have it all. How sad for her, her family and for the rest of the world.

PS...I also have a great respect for our military and appreciate their sacrifices. As a widow of a firefighter who died in the line of duty, I'm painfully aware of what we must sometimes sacrifice to serve.

[Etiquette Now]

Very well put. And, I completely agree. Miss Manners has been ranting about this for years. This is a very disturbing trend that should be stopped. After all, it is disrespectfull to guests and smacks of greed.

A pretend wedding is just that: pretend playtime for those who should know better.

[armymom]

Thank you for your reply, it reassures what I have been feeling. I'm sorry to hear about your loss with your husband. All that serve are very special.

[the_admin]

Thank you. I'm glad to hear from other mothers who feel the same. Makes me feel like there's some hope.