[kelly627]

I'm conflicted spiritually. My fiance is a divorced Christian, that was baptized Catholic but never officially separated from the Catholic Church prior to changing to the Christian sect. He married outside the Catholic Church, but did not ask for a dispensation to do so. Prior to his first marriage, his Pastor refused to marry he and his first wife. The Pastor felt they were incompatible. The second Pastor they met with married them, but also warned them that he did not feel they were a well suited match. After 10 years of marriage, they divorced due to her infidelity.

I am a Catholic and last year took my final steps through RCIA to become confirmed. I have never been married. We are deeply in love and engaged to be married. He is the most wonderful and spiritual man I have ever encountered and I feel very strongly that he is the man God intended for me. I was unaware of the seriousness of dating a divorced man as far as the church is concerned. I was aware that an annulment would be required, but did not understand the full scope of what it entails. After researching online, it has been brought to my attention that the Catholic Church recognizes our relationship as an adulterous affair since his marriage was not annulled prior to us dating. I fear that my soul is now in jeopardy. What is the position of the church if we are in a relationship during the annulment process? Web-sites that I've encountered reveal that you cannot kiss, hold hands, hug etc. until the annulment is complete. I'm beside myself with worry that we will have to put our relationship on hold for the time it takes to complete the process.

Your guidance is greatly appreciated.

[startingover]

You are wise to do research on this delicate issue. Yes, according to canon law, any divorced Catholic who has not received an annulment from the previous marriage is considered still married in the eyes of the Church.

However, since he is a baptized Catholic who married outside the Church without dispensation, his former marriage is not considered sacramental. Rather than going through the usual lengthy process of annulment (which can take several months or years), he will only need to fill out the short version of annulment, called the "defect of form." This should only take a few days.

Please speak with your priest. He will be able to further advise you both as to how to proceed. Also please consider getting some quality pre-marriage counseling to help him deal with any regret or pain from his former failed marriage and to enlighten you on how to handle the emotional baggage from previous relationships that you both may carry.

God bless and guide you.