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We are planning to renew our vows to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We are planning a church ceremony followed by a celebration with music and dance. We are planning the ceremony for 7PM (that is the time we got married.)
We aren't planning a meal, just light refreshments, cake, sandwichs, soda and coffee. (no alcohol.) Some of our guests will be coming from out of town and out of state. We are planning a late afternoon lunch at the house for our family members the day of the ceremony. Is this appropriate?
renewal of vows celebration for 40th anniversary
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Etiquette Now 
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Dear Knittedrose,
Congratulations on your 40th! That is a huge milestone.
Your ceremony shouldn't appear to be a wedding. Some clergy don't realize this and will do as you wish. So, that will be your responsibility to plan it as a vow renewal and not a wedding.
You know your guests better than I, but most people would expect alcohol at an event held after 5pm. That might be an issue, especially since this is also a dance. And, I'm not sure about the level of your formality. Church ceremonies at 7pm are usually more formal and yet your party appears informal, since you are serving snacks. Your formality should be consistent.
Basically, you would want to make sure you, as host, are providing your guests with what they would expect at the time of day of your event. They shouldn't go hungry or thirsty or be disappointed in the choices of refreshments, not that we can make everyone happy. But, we should try to provide what we consider most people would expect.
I'm really not sure you are providing your guests with enough food, considering that they will be traveling. If they traveled the day before, they just might have time to eat a meal before your event. But, that is not always the case. And, your lunch might not be enough of a meal to last your guests though out the evening. They might not have enough time in between the lunch and the ceremony to eat again. And, your snacks might not hold them for the rest of the evening.
It would be much better if you planned your ceremony for the middle of the day. Then your snacks would be perfect.
Best wishes,
Congratulations on your 40th! That is a huge milestone.
Your ceremony shouldn't appear to be a wedding. Some clergy don't realize this and will do as you wish. So, that will be your responsibility to plan it as a vow renewal and not a wedding.
You know your guests better than I, but most people would expect alcohol at an event held after 5pm. That might be an issue, especially since this is also a dance. And, I'm not sure about the level of your formality. Church ceremonies at 7pm are usually more formal and yet your party appears informal, since you are serving snacks. Your formality should be consistent.
Basically, you would want to make sure you, as host, are providing your guests with what they would expect at the time of day of your event. They shouldn't go hungry or thirsty or be disappointed in the choices of refreshments, not that we can make everyone happy. But, we should try to provide what we consider most people would expect.
I'm really not sure you are providing your guests with enough food, considering that they will be traveling. If they traveled the day before, they just might have time to eat a meal before your event. But, that is not always the case. And, your lunch might not be enough of a meal to last your guests though out the evening. They might not have enough time in between the lunch and the ceremony to eat again. And, your snacks might not hold them for the rest of the evening.
It would be much better if you planned your ceremony for the middle of the day. Then your snacks would be perfect.
Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now
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