[Gert]

My boyfriend presented me with an engagement ring on Christmas Eve and asked me to marry him. Lucky me -- he's a wonderful man. The ring however, is not to my liking at all. It looks very inexpensive. I was wondering if it was just me but when I asked my friends and family they reluctantly told me they agreed. It's not that I want something over-the-top --just a simple stone in a simple setting --not something that looks like a "promise ring." To think that I have to wear this the rest of my life is making me sad. I don't want to hurt my fiancé's feeling but do I truly have to live with a ring I don't like?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Gert,

This is the very reason we advise men to include their ladies in the ring decision.

Your marriage will be more about making decisions together and learning to blend your wills and wants cohesively than most anything else. So begin with this decision, as it is logical to that you would want some say in what type of ring you wear. However, to be most polite, we accept gifts graciously--a bit of a conflict here. What to do?

Well, it may be best to have a quiet, private, discussion with him about the ring. Please begin with complimenting him on wanting to be traditional and taking the time to choose something special and then add that it really isn't your style.

Also, you two will, most likely, be pooling your finances for the wedding and your life as spouses. So, it may be best to begin here with the rings. Just a thought.

Best wishes,