[savannah]

I have been married for almost 7 years and have 3 children.
I had planned to have a wedding ceremony since I had never had my wedding before. I have had family conflict with this idea. I am not sure whether to do it or not. My husband and I want to but now it is causing arguments between me and my side of the family. I am not sure what to do about this and I have been told that when you renew your vows you don't have a big bash wedding (which it's not going to be) But we never had a wedding and would like to have those memories and pictures. What should we do and how should we handle the family issue? We would have a wedding dress, bell girl (my daughter) ring boys (my sons) who will also be walking me down the aisle. We will also have a kind of unique wedding cake and groom's cake with nice southern dinner and dancing after. Is this appropiate since we didnt have our wedding to begin with? All guests are asked to dress comfy and there will be bridesmaids and groomsmen (they will be dressed in Sunday's best) Please let me know. Thanks

[the_admin]

As we have posted all over the forum and on the pages of this website, once you're married you cannot be married again. A wedding is an event that marries two people. You are already married and, therefore, cannot host a wedding. But, renewing your vows, perhaps for your 10th anniversary sounds like a good plan and something to look forward to.

[Etiquette Now]

I completely agree and this is probably one of the big reasons you are finding others who are trying to inform you of what is considered appropriate. They probably are trying to help you keep from embarrassing yourself and your family.

Please read more about vow renewal etiquette. Of course this is written about in most etiquette books.

[mlmalone15]

I have to disagree with the previous replies. My husband is in the military and we got married at the local courthouse, but followed up with a bigger, traditional wedding about a year later. While I do agree that you are married once you go through it the first time, there is a different between a civil and religious ceremony. Our first wedding was due to certain circumstances, none of which I regret, however, I do not think it is fair to say that someone should be deprived of their "dream wedding" due to the fact that it wasn't realistic during the time that they got married. The officiant for our bigger wedding had no problem with performing a ceremony in which our civil marriage was recognized in the eyes of God.

I think it is appropriate to have a "wedding" during the actual vow renewal ceremony if you never had it to begin with.

[the_admin]

You may think that is appropriate, but it actually is not. A vow renewal and a wedding are two totally different ceremonies. There is a service called the blessing of the marriage or Convalidation in the Catholic church which addresses the difference between the civil and religious ceremonies.

You may feel deprived, however, you did have the choice to wait for your groom to return back home to get married and to have your dream wedding. That may not have been your choice back then, but you chose to get married and, well, now you are married.

This is not a forum where everyone post their opinions. We're giving etiquette advice based on what is known as socially acceptable by some of the most popular and modern etiquette experts. As per the rules you agreed to when you registered, please allow only our staff experts to answer questions.

[startingover]

Having a "big bash" reception party to celebrate your 10th anniversary is excellent advice. You can plan this to the hilt and pull out all the stops. Enjoy!

As has been stated, you are already married. A big wedding is not traditional; it's a choice. Two generations ago, people got married in their Sunday best and had cake and punch at home with family and friends. They understood that a wedding was just one day; the marriage lasted a lifetime.

It may help to rethink your priorities. It sounds like you have a loving marriage and three wonderful children. Why not concentrate on pictures and memories of your current life instead of regretting an event you missed?

God bless you and guide you.

[Etiquette Now]

Great advice! I can only add that I completely agree and couldn't have said it better myself.