Can you renew your vows without an officiant?

#1 Guest_LissaYS_*

Group: Guest users

My husband and I eloped 2 years ago, on our 7 year anniversary together. Last year we had our big fancy wedding. Since we did this 2 years in a row we were thinking of doing it every year. Can we renew our vows without someone to officiate. Can we go to a park and read something to each other, or something like that? Is this legal? Does it need to be legal since we are already married? Thank you.

#2 Etiquette Now

WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Group: Moderators of any forum
Posts: 552
Gender:Female
Location:Davis, California

Dear Lissa,

Hopefully you are not inviting guests to these events as people, honestly, find them silly, as it appears that you are pretending to be a bride. I sincerely hope your guests to your "wedding" didn't think poorly about it or you. When you are married, you are. So, your all out big fancy wedding ceremony, while already in the wife role, wasn't proper or even logical.

You don't need anyone to officiate since you are legally married and this isn't a religious ceremony to bless your marriage.

Best wishes,

Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now

#3 Guest_jlizann_*

Group: Guest users

I disagree that people would find renewing vows silly. Marriage to SOME people actually mean something very special to one another and what better way of sharing that feeling than inviting family and friends to witness this special time. She is not pretending to be a bride. She is merely wanting to share in the joy every year with her husband, family and friends. There are many people that get married at one destination and then have a second wedding ceremony/reception at a different location. I find your comment to Lissa very insulting. It's 2008, not 1908. I don't find her actions to be inappropriate at all.

#4 Etiquette Now

WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Group: Moderators of any forum
Posts: 552
Gender:Female
Location:Davis, California

I'm sorry, but this is not a chat room. It is a website devoted to proper etiquette and offering the very best advice available. It is not appropriate, and against the rules you agreed to, to offer your advice and comments.

Please read more about what a wedding is and what a vow renewal is supposed to be in real, up-to-the-date etiquette books. I believe you are confused. Those who marry and then host a wedding later are considered by those who know better...well, not so socially savvy and other terms not so polite. We try to help our visitors avoid this label. And, most appreciate it.

Also, always consider your guests when planning an event for which they are to be invited. When we invite, we are then hosts and beholden to them. It isn't always about us.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now

#5 the_admin

Remarriage Forum Moderator

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 960
Gender:Male

It's not renewing vows that's silly. It's hosting something that looks like a wedding when you're already married that is viewed as silly. We have many posts from guests about this subject.

Renewing your vows every year is totally up to you, but, if you're inviting guests, they may get a bit tired of it. And, doing this every year makes it less special.

Don't go getting your feelings all hurt now. When you ask for advice, be mature enough to receive what you asked for. We're not here to validate you. We're giving you the advice we know to be true from experience. If you don't care for the advice given, you're not obligated to follow it.

I Do - Take Two Moderator