Widow(ers) with children, remarriage

#1 chiefy

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Posts: 1

I am a widow with a 7 yr. old daugther, dating a widower with 2 children, son (14 yrs.) and daughter (9). Can you recommend any literature for me? We are hoping to marry, but don't want to rush things, especially because of the children. They all get along, and our children seem to like the "opposite" parent, but anything that can give me tips would be much appreciated.

#2 the_admin

Remarriage Forum Moderator

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 998
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Dealing with the children of any potential spouse or even just a dating partner, whether divorced or widowed, can be a difficult task if not handled with sensitivity and tact. As a widowed mother myself I think the following two items are of the utmost importance:

!. COMMUNICATE: Talk about everything with your mate (behind closed doors though). This is really goos advice for ANY dating couple really.

2. Never attempt to parent your mate's child(ren) or fill in as the missing parent. Unless the child is in immediate physical danger, make note of the child's indescretion and, at a later date without the child present, carefully bring up the incident. Go back to item one above!

Please review our page on stepfamilies for more information on co-existing with children in a blended family situation. You may find this book to be of use:The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life even if you are not yet married to this man.

More information on marrying a widow or widower.

Books about marrying a widow or widower.

I Do - Take Two Moderator

#3 jpatty

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Posts: 2

always agree with the other in front of the children,then talk about in private.If you are together & don't fight in front of the kids it does make for a better home life.

#4 the_admin

Remarriage Forum Moderator

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 998
Gender:Male

I disagree with the above post. You should not always just agree with the other parent because later it may come back to haunt you plus it's not honest. Simply say nothing, then when you are alone with your partner, calmly discuss your feelings.

I Do - Take Two Moderator

#5 barrymichele

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Group: Registered users
Posts: 9

I just saw your post and wonder what the keys were that got all the children invovled in your relationship to get along with the opposite.....I'm a recent widower and have a 14y/o daughter that has issues with my relationship. Nothing too serious, but my girl friend of 5 months and I are moving forward with our relationship to what may be considered the "next stage".....beyond just sipmple dating.....we are in love with each other and there could be wedding bells in the not too distant future. You seem to be at the "next stage" beyond ours.

I wish I had answers for you...good luck.