Changing last name after second wedding

#1 emer5064

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[crazy]This will be my second marriage and my fiancé’s first. I have two children (15 and 12) and he has one child from a previous relationship (15). My children do not want me to take my fiancé’s name/give up my married name because it’s their last name. My fiancé doesn’t want me to keep my married name because it is my ex-husband’s last name. I suggested hyphenating it “my kids/ex last name-my new last name but neither party feels that is acceptable. Help?

#2 the_admin

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This may sound harsh but this isn't a decision for your children to make. Of course, you can try to do things that will make everyone happy but, in the end, it should be your and your husband's decision (and will be your name). Hyphenation is a good compromise.

I Do - Take Two Moderator

#3 Etiquette Now

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I couldn't agree more.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now

#4 Yvonne Kelly

Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

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I agree with the advice given as well. You could have also returned to your maiden name if you had chosen. Your name is a personal matter and you should ask yourself, what do I want to do? There are many other ways you can reassure your kids that you are going to be there for them despite a name change. If and when you know what you want, then hopefully your new partner can accept and understand that as well. Bear in mind also, that to listen only to what other people want in a situation like this, is a recipe for resentment down the road. Best of Luck!

Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute

#5 Alyssa Johnson

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I too agree with the previous advice. I think hyphenation is perfectly acceptable if that's what you're comfortable with. I've had several female clients choose to do this so there isn't confusion at their kids' schools with the last names being different.

Your children need to understand that you changing your name doesn't suddenly make you less of their mother.

At the same time, your fiance needs to understand that you keeping the same last name as your children won't make you less of his wife. The emphasis on this decision needs to be that you're choosing to do it to have the same last name as your children NOT your ex-spouse.

Just be sure you choose what YOU are comfortable with because you are the one who will be writing it, etc. I agree whole heartedly with the previous comment that changing it to make others happy will undoubtedly lead to resentment.

Best wishes,

Alyssa Johnson, Remarriage Success