[stepdaughter]

I am 23 years old and my dad is getting remarried in August. My parents were married for 20 years before they got divorced, so this is a little different for all of us. Nonetheless, I get along great with his new fiance and would enjoy having a part in the upcoming wedding. However, my younger sister (age 20) is not as excited about the wedding as I am. She's definitely more attached to our mother and she doesn't know his fiance as well as I do. I am a "daddy's girl" and would love to be able to support my dad on his special day. Though I know my sister will be attending the wedding, I don't want to make her feel awkward if she doesn't participate and I do. I'm hoping that she is able to get to know the new fiance better before the wedding and her feelings may change. However, I know that planning is important, I don't want to wait to the last minute to include me/us in the wedding.
I've read bout the children's gifts/vows and unity candle options but I feel like we may be a bit too old for those. Do you have any advice or creative suggestions for something small we both can do, or at least something I can do without "upstaging" my sister?

[the_admin]

The family unity candle is for family members of all ages so that could work for your family - if your sister cares to participate. If the entire family isn't involved then the candle lighting ceremony could be awkward. Speak to your dad to see how he wants all of you involved since it is up to him and his bride. While you are speaking to him, if he says he wants his daughters to be involved suggest the candle ceremony or having each of you perform a reading of their choice.

You seem like a very caring and sensitive young woman and I have no doubt that, together with the family, you will come to the right conclusion.

Best of Luck,

[Yvonne Kelly]

I agree with the advice given already. Now the possibility still exists that even if your father wants both his daughters involved in the ceremony, as I'm sure he would, that your sister may not feel comfortable and may choose not to participate and that is certainly her perogative. In my experience, you can't rush people into accepting things like this and the more we do, the more damage we do to the eventuality of relationships forming that may have significance at some time in the future. You will have a tremendously positive influence on your sister as you are modelling to her that just because you accept your Dad's choices (maybe not like them but accept them) and have given his fiance a chance and actually have a good relationship with her, that that does not mean you have to turn your back on your mother or the family that you shared together. In time, watching you as you navigate both with sensitivity will help reassure her that she too can have all of these relationships in her life. But give her this time.

I would suggest if only you are prepared and want to be in the ceremony, you should make the choice to do so. You won't be upstaging her - you are just honoring your Dad and doing something from your heart. Perhaps a reading by you would be very fitting - it's not a ceremony that would need to involve both of you or it would really be a blatant symbol of her being left out. Not everyone is invited to do a reading at someone's wedding. If she offered an opportunity to take part and chooses not to at this time, I wouldn't make an issue out of it; hopefully your Dad can respect where she's coming from and know that letting her decide in her own time how she feels about this is the only way anyway. But you doing a reading or taking part in some way like this, would be very special and it shouldn't create the impression that your sister is not included. It' s simply you, doing something that means something to both your father and you on this day.

Best of Luck!

[RevSusanna]

You could suggest to your sister that you both share a reading at your father's wedding. The reading would need to be long enough that you would each have several lines. There are many. Be sensitive to her reaction though. If you sense that she is uncomfortable, or if she outright says she does not want to participate, then explain to her that YOU would like to participate. She may be "okay" with your doing the reading alone. Having said all this, you then need to check all this with your Dad and his wife. They may have their own ideas.
Another option is a personal and private one. Simply write a letter to your Dad and fiancee` showing them your love and support. This can be a private matter and not involve your sister.
Blessings!

[stepdaughter]

Thank you all so much for your advice. It was all really helpful. Rev. Susanna - do you know where I could look to find readings for one or two?