[2young2beold]

My husband and I eloped to a foreign country last year, when we broke the news to our parents they asked us to have a vow renewal on our first anniversary so they could mend their broken hearts. We are trying to keep it simple, but both parents are acting very much like it is a wedding, as we are only 23 and never had a wedding, we have no children. I do not want to be mocked by everyone, or made out to be spoiled, but all the rules I read for vow renewals have me in a frumpy black dress not honoring my parents or being the bride my mother wants to see. At the same time I am trying to focus the ceremony and all events to renewing our love without referencing many years of hardships, or raising children. I can't seem to find anything that addresses our situation.
What are some ways I can focus the ceremony on the renewal of the vows? And is it horrible to wear a simple bridal dress?

[the_admin]

I'm sorry that your parents were hurt by your decision to elope. But, to host an event that appears to be a wedding would create the impression you've said you don't want. Most couples wait until a landmark anniversary or after a significant event in their marriage to have a vow renewal. This is the reason you are having trouble finding a ceremony or wording for vows to accommodate your renewal. However, if you still feel like hosting this event that is your decision. You aren't a bride, though, so you shouldn't wear anything that resembles a bridal gown. There are so many choices of beautiful dresses that can be chosen to match the formality of your event. Black can be a wonderful choice and does not have to be frumpy at all. In fact, depending on the time of day, black can be considered the most elegant and classy of "color" choices and this is evidenced in black tie affairs where women wear formal black dresses only. There are other colors and styles you can choose too. Please visit our page about dresses for vow renewals for more information.

If you'd like to include your parents in the vow renewal ceremony, there is a wonderful unity candle ceremony that may fit the bill.

If you are a Christian, you may want to read about the blessing of your marriage in church and, if Catholic, the Convalidation Ceremony.

Hopefully, after some time and some talk, your mom will get over the shock and realize that you are already a married woman and, unfortunately, she will not realize her dream wedding for you.

Wishing you a lifetime of happy married years,

[Etiquette Now]

I couldn't agree more. Plus, it was your decision to marry as you did. Now you are a wife, living with your husband, and beginning your new life together. Your parents have their own life decisions to make. It really is time for you and your husband to make decisions for yourselves.

It would be more polite and well-mannered to host a reception. You could share photos of your wedding at this time.

And, your particular situation is addressed in our many posts. It may be best to read them.

If you decide that you really want to host a wedding, even though you are married, there are no etiquette police to prevent you from doing it. But, there is no way anyone could help you to plan it properly. And, there are no prewedding activities that are appropriate with this type of event even if it is a vow renewal.