[lovemyhubby2006]

My husband and I have been talking about renewing our vows after only being married since 2/06. Our first year of marriage has been very hectic. We've gone through a lot of damages that have made our relationship stronger. When we were planning our original wedding we planned to go to Maui to get married on the beach at sunset, but when we found out that I was expecting our son, we rushed our wedding and moved the date up several months. We still had a very beautiful wedding, but it wasn't what we REALLY wanted. After this last year and a half we want to do something special to take us back to that day where we promised to each other and God that we will love each other through thick and thin, and now that our son is older we thought it would be nice if he could participate, but is it too soon? Or should we feel free to do what we like, no matter what people would think?

[the_admin]

Your son isn't really old enough to participate in any ceremony. Typically couples wait until benchmark anniversaries or after they have been through particularly trying times like separation or serious illness. Since this doesn't seem like the case for the two of you the vow renewal should probably wait. However, if you're not inviting any guests and you'd like to have a private renewal ceremony that would be perfectly fine and probably very fulfilling. You don't need guests or parties to revisit your vows. Keep in mind that vow renewals are not weddings and should not mirror a wedding. There are no gifts or wedding gowns.

[lovemyhubby2006]

We weren't planning on mirroring our wedding, something small and sweet with close friends and family. Let's just say that we were almost to the point of seperation. His ex with whom he has two kids with was literally ruining our relationship. We were going through so much chaos that my husband didn't want to see myself and his son suffer the way we were. But we looked at the big picture and our son needs both parents in his life. It has taken many different steps to finally push the ex out (gruelling court appearances, deleting e-mail accounts, mediations, changing cell phone numbers and threating to file harrassment charges) and finally it's been quiet for 2 months. We were just wondering, and planning for our 5th anniversary, but what would be considered a benchmark? A 10th or 20th?

[Etiquette Now]

Yes, a 10, 20, and 25 are considered bench mark anniversaries. And, this is the key term: anniversary. The vow renewal is viewed as more of an anniversary party where we also vow to love each other.

This shouldn't appear to be any type of wedding. (You did state that you weren't mirroring 'your' wedding) And, your friends and family may be a bit confused at the significance of the event. We all have some trying times in our marriages and yet most of us don't renew our vows because of them. So, be very careful in your planning.

Please read more about vow renewal etiquette.