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Widow Getting Remarried Saturday


#1 User is offline   eyes2blue68

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I'm glad I found this site. I'm trying hard to read the older posts to get my questions answered. My husband passed away six months ago after only 10 years of marriage. He had been sick for most of our marriage with a chronic health problem that he could've prevented death by following doctor's orders (diabetes). It is really sad in that my mother and I both became widows within two years of each other, she at age 64 and me at age 38. I feel like I'm just now grieving the loss of my father as shortly before his death, my husband had 2 major surgeries and more complications with his health after my dad passed.

I am working with a counselor for my emotional issues as at times I am so angry with my husband for leaving us (our son is 6 years old). Then I feel sad because of the great things our son is doing that his dad can't be a part of. I haven't told my in-laws that I am getting married as I really don't know how to explain it all. They know I'm dating and that didn't seem to go over well. 2 years ago when my husband was in bad shape and my dad had just died I prayed that God would send me a good man to help take care of my son and I should something happen to my husband. I met him 7 months later thru a mutual friend and he became a part of all of our lives. We also found out we were members of the same large church but just hadn't crossed paths.

People who aren't that close to me don't realize my soon to be husband was friends with BOTH of us while I was married. My son grew attached to my fiance because he was active unlike his own father who struggled to catch his breath and was terribly obese. I feel like a deer in the headlights when people see me out with my fiance and I know I really shouldn't care what they think. I kept a lot of my marital problems to myself and in counseling and if others knew there was no real intimacy with my spouse and our marriage was more like a roommate situation over time maybe they'd understand my longing for happiness with a healthy man who talks to me and doesn't see me as being there out of convenience.

My fiance knows I am still grieving and is patient with me. I will have older stepchildren to deal with and so far those I've met get along with me and my son. We are working thru discipline issues with my fiance and my son. My son is still young enough he can adapt even though he thinks discipline is harsh not meant out of love.

I think the biggest thing I've learned is to trust God to help me overcome my concerns and feelings of a failed first marriage. It wasn't all bad but I had many friends tell me they never would've have stayed if it were them. I wanted my son's respect and don't consider myself a quitter.

Since I'm basically doing a justice of the peace wedding Saturday, how on earth do I start to tell people I'm remarried and yes, it may be too soon in their eyes but I'm happy? Is there etiquette in sending out announcements or do you just tell people as you see them? I don't want to make a huge ordeal of it as people are still coming up to me as my loss is still so fresh. It's hard to say "Thanks for your concern" and "By the way, this is my fiance/husband."

I am remodeling my house with my fiance's input to give it a new look as he was renting an apartment and it makes the most sense to us financially as I'm halfway thru my mortgage and once I go thru probate (no will by deceased hubby) and get the house in my name, I want to pay it off. I haven't worked in 10 years and have to take it one day at a time as too much change can be overwhelming.

I appreciate this site and hope my story and experiences can help others.

#2 User is offline   Etiquette Now

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Dear Eyes2blue,

You could send our announcements to those who need to know, such as close friends and family. Verbally informing them is fine too. There is no one, right way to do it.


Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now

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