[shaycole]

My husband and I didn't have the chance to have a wedding ceremony when we were married in 2004 and we hit a rough patch in our marriage last year and would like to renew our vows next year. Since we didn't have a wedding the first time, is it ok to have a "different" wedding now? Can we renew our vows but still have the make-up of a wedding?

[the_admin]

Please review our page on vow renewal etiquette. There is an entire page of information on the subject.

[shaycole]

I've read that information, but it didn't really give an in-depth answer. I want to know, since my husband and I want to have this wedding, and have our minds set on having it....what are the guidelines to doing it the right way since it is a vow renewal and not a wedding? Or could it be considered a wedding since we didn't have one originally? I don't want a lot of traditional stuff, but I do want a wedding party and that is about the only thing that will be apart of the "wedding" that is traditional. Everything is going to be very casual and comfortable.

[the_admin]

Since you are already married a wedding wouldn't make sense but a vow renewal or a blessing of your marriage (if done in church) does. However, a vow renewal is not a wedding and although you can certainly plan a lovely event there are aspects of a wedding that wouldn't fit into a vow renewal. The page on vow renewal etiquette does give you all the guidelines for hosting a proper renewal ceremony. I think you might have been reading the page on explaining the actual ceremony and not the one on etiquette.

[shaycole]

I read both pages. The etiquette pages does give specifics on how to plan the ideal ceremony. As I stated, I would like to have a wedding party, but it only states on the page that using your original attendants is fine. But what about women that never had attendants? How can I include this in my ceremony? I would like my father to walk me down the aisle but not give me away, I would like the ceremony to be simple, and beautiful. I don't want a lot of the traditional wedding stuff. How do I plan the appropriate vow renewal ceremony? Is there a checklist or complete set of guidelines?

[Etiquette Now]

As you have read in the vow renewal etiquette article, planning a wedding when already married is not proper or appropriate. You are not a bride. You are a wife. So, planning a wedding would appear to be a very strange event.

The vow renewal article includes all of the etiquette one would need to know to plan the type of ceremony a married couple would want to plan--if they want to appear socially savvy. Now if you have your heart set on a wedding even though this is not proper and most likely viewed as very odd, you can do anything you wish. But, we cannot advise you on how to do something that is not within socially acceptable boundaries.

[shaycole]

Ok. I understand that a wedding is inappropriate for a married couple, that's why I am asking for specific guidelines to plan a vow renewal that will serve the same typr of purpose. Is there something we can do to still have the look and feel of a wedding in our vow renewal ceremony?

[Etiquette Now]

You could dress up in nice clothes, not wedding attire. You could have a facilitator who helps you restate your vows. You could include unique elements that are not 'wedding elements', such as turning around to the guests after you vows and thanking everyone for sharing the moment.

Bridesmaids, father escorting, wedding attire, 'wedding vows', pre-wedding parties, registering are all wedding elements. These should be avoided.

If you have children, include them. Just don't mirror a wedding. Then you will be fine.

[shaycole]

ok. Thank you. I have a clearer picture of how to go about planning our ceremony.