[2ndinok]

My fiance is a widower, and out of respect for his first wife's family and for our own sanity, we are having a private family only exchang eof vows in May. For private reasons we are planning our reception in August. I am sending Save The Date magnets and some have expressed interest in knowing our gift preference. Between the two of us we really don't need anything to set up house, but have been saving to buy big furniture items. How can I express that we prefer money without coming across as rude or presumptuous?

We both have a new group of friends since our first marriages. As a matter of fact, our parents are the only ones who will be repeat attendees to the reception.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear 2nkinok,

The reception isn't the gift giving event. The wedding is and yours is private. So, your guests are not expected to give anything. But, many do anyway.

There is no polite way to request cash. But, if someone asks, you could say that anything they give would be gratefully accepted and appreciated, but you are saving for furniture. It is probably best to set up some sort of saving account for your guests to contribute to.

Best wishes,