[suzknits]

I'm forty-six and so's my fiance. We are both divorced, each with two college-aged or older kids.

We're now shopping for an engagement ring and wedding bands for both of us. He and I are both professional craft artists, so we're having fun looking for unusual settings, stone combinations, etc.

The problem is, his mother has told him that for second marriages, the bride only wears one ring, not the typical combination of an engagement ring and a wedding band. That's the way she did it when she divorced Jon's dad and remarried 30 years ago. She and I get along very well (she's very happy for us), so I don't want to start on the wrong foot with her. But, I definitely don't want her to dictate anything to us about our plans either.

Jon and I don't agree with her about this issue. Certainly, when my sister remarried, she didn't just have one ring. But all this does have me wondering: is there a specific protocol about engagement and/or wedding rings for second marriages?

Thanks in advance for your help!

[the_admin]

Dear Suz -

You're starting out fresh and new so, no, there is no reason you should not have an engagement ring for a second marriage. I've never heard of this so I doubt it's some sort of old fashioned tradition. Ask your fiance to speak to his mother. Letting her know how he feels and why he will adorn you with an engagement ring for your wedding, without you present, will probably be less confrontational and more acceptable coming just from her son. I think if he handles this just right he can convince his mother that it's the right thing to do for the both of you. If all else fails, get a copy of Peggy Posts' newest book of etiquette, published in Dec 2005 and have her find the passage she stands behind. She will not find it. []

Continue to enjoy the planning!