[shawng]

I don't know if this situation happens often, but I thought I'd mention it here.

My late wife had a good friend in another city. She knew this man before she met and married me. Their relationship was strictly platonic -- he was already married and they had a common hobby that they shared.

When I came into the picture, and eventually married her, our families got together all the time. They were delightful, had two wonderful kids who grew up with my daughter, and we stayed in touch with them even after we had to relocate to another city because of my job.

When my wife and this man were visiting, they would be in their own little world, talking of their hobby interests, their fondness for particular foods and places, discussing their families and their own spouses. I had no problem with that. They considered us to be family, and we considered them to be family. This man's wife and I talked occasionally, but for the most part, I visited with this man whenever I was in town, on business, visiting.

Last year, this man passed away. My wife was devastated, and I also grieved over the loss of a good friend. We talked to his widow, and offered our help and support. We stayed in touch but talked less frequently than we had in the past.

My wife passed away several months ago. She had been in poor health for several years, and I grieved over the decline in her health. I called the widow and told her what had happened. I was now a widower, and she was the widow.

She and I began communicating. What I didn't know is that her life had sunk into despair and depression since her husband died. She held it all in, and refused to confide in anyone or seek help. She now felt that since I had experienced the same thing (loss of a spouse) that I would understand what she was going through. Likewise, she knew what I was experiencing as well. I brought her out of her depression, and she has helped me tremendously as well.

Whenever either of us had those "moments" of grief, one would call up the other for support. As we talked, we both realized just how much we had in common. I learned so much about her, and she learned much about me. Our feelings for each other have deepened, and we have fallen in love with each other.

Neither of us were looking for love when we began communicating. Love has fallen into both of our laps! We thank God for bringing us together. Keep in mind that we have known each other for over 23 years -- it isn't as though I just met her, but we were just casual friends before. We plan to go slowly (the distance apart from each prevents us from getting together frequently at this time).

Has anyone else here experienced this (of casual friends falling in love after their spouses, who were very close friends, passed away?

[Yvonne Kelly]

I have definitely heard of spouses entering into relationships with their deceased spouses friends so it is something similar to this. Either way, it sounds like you are both very happy and don't plan on rushing into things. It may take a little time for each person's respective children to get comfortable with your new relationship but with time that too should be fine. And if not, there are good resources our there for adult stepfamilies with children.

It's not unusual that you would come together in this way, given that you've known each other so long and have had a mutual connection and friendship. You are just simply surprised that it has turned into something deeper and that does happen.

Enjoy your new found love and experiences and take care of each other. Don't worry if you think it hasn't happened to anyone else because that isn't important. Best of luck!