His church might refuse to marry us!!

#1 jus1jenn88

Newbie

Group: Registered users
Posts: 2

[unsure]My first marriage was by a JOP to a very physically & emotionally abusive man. I divorced him years ago (after being with him for 10 years) and am engaged to be married to a WONDERFUL man of the Reformed Baptist faith -(not my faith however). His Pastor sent us the Church guidelines for marrying. It states that they generally REFUSE to marry anyone who is divorced UNLESS it was a matter of infidelity.

Do you feel that there is any "chance" his Pastor will change his mind when he hears that the reason I divorced were anything but trivial??

Should we begin looking for another church?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Jenn

#2 Deacon Bob

INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON

Group: Registered users
Posts: 54
Location:Ellicott City, Maryland
Interests:Deacon Bob Tousey was ordained an Independent Catholic Deacon in July, 2001 at Fort Belvoir, Virgina by Bishop Thomas Clary. He is a past International Vice President for Parents Without Partners. He has presented seminars on leadership and relationship issues throughout the United States and Canada. Bob is also a regular contributor to the Single Parent magazine writing on family and leadership issues.
Bob is a divorced father of two children Chris is his 24 year old Step Son and Stephanie is his 15 year old daughter.

Not knowing the Pastor it is hard to predict what he will do. At least, in the Catholic Church there is a general understanding of what will be granted. Now the wording was generally refuse, so that tells me they do allow for exceptions but the only way to get an answer is to ask the Pastor. Best wishes to you and God Bless.

Deacon Bob Tousey
Independant catholic Deacon

#3 RevSusanna

INTERFAITH MINISTER & AUTHOR

Group: Moderators of any forum
Posts: 75
Gender:Male

The compassionate stance would be to take it into consideration. As a woman, I really feel for you. This wedding must represent so much.

Explain your experience honestly to the Pastor. Speak soul to soul, your heart to his. Then you have done all you can. He may make an exception, he may not.

However, whatever happens, please do not see it in any way as reflective of you.

I pray (and have complete faith) that you will marry in the right church, by the right pastor according to Divine Will. Amen!

Blessings,

Rev. Susanna

Reverend Susanna
Joining Hands and Hearts: Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations : A Practical Guide for Couples

#4 startingover

MARRIAGE PREPARATION ADVISORS

Group: Moderators of any forum
Posts: 127
Gender:Female
Location:Ohio
Interests:Sacramental Marriage, Starting Over and Leaving the Baggage Behind, Annulment Healing, Anger and Forgiveness, The Healing Power of Faith

Sound advice from Deacon Bob and Rev. Susanna. A heart-to-heart talk with your fiance's pastor may be just the ticket. You don't mention your own faith tradition, but if you are Catholic, you will also need to fill out a short "defect of form" annulment for your previous marriage.

We also advise some pre-marriage counseling to help you deal with the baggage carried over from your first marriage. Surviving an abusive relationship shows strength on your part, but there may be memories and expectations that could cloud your future marriage to a wonderful man.

Congratulations on having the courage to love again. God bless you and guide you.

Kay and Dennis Flowers
Authors of Catholic Annulment, Spiritual Healing