[nibor453]

I am 21 and I am about to become a step-sister to two of my great friends that are 16 and 19 that I grew up with all my life. My dad and I lost our mom a year and half ago. While he was going through a rough time his secretary who was married and had two kids was watching out for him at work. For about 8 months I was very suspicious that they were spending time together outside of the office but they were too sneaky. Until one day I caught them together. Because of their "work policy" they should have been fired but claimed that they were just friends now a month later they are dating. I received a call from my dad yesterday asking me to check my email. In the email he told me he was getting married in a month. They sent the same email to her kids. None of us want to go. The kids of the woman are mad and hurt by her leaving their father and I am hurt by my dad's actions the past 9 months. HOw can you send an email to your kids saying that you are getting married? I need some advice, do I go to this wedding? What do I do next?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Odd Situation,

I agree that receiving an email informing you about his intentions are a bit thoughtless. But, we can't walk in his shoes here. Maybe he felt that he couldn't talk to you about this. I don't know. What I do know is that this is about more than just you attending or not attending the wedding. You and your father really need to talk. Your relationship with your father is worth some uncomfortable interaction and complete honesty. It may be best to have a third party, such as a family counselor to help you two begin the dialogue.

Best wishes,

[nibor453]

I thank you for your help. I do understand that I need to talk to my father, the problem is that he doesn't listen. We have talked about a lot in the past couple of months. He thinks I am too dramatic. I believe its a midlife crisis situation. He is 48 and started dressing like my brother. Wearing tight muscle t-shirts and cut off shorts.. he even grew his hair out long. He looks like a hippie!

Tonight he left me a message letting me know he is in town, his fiance and I live in the same town and he is visiting her. He told me that if I want to spend time with him he has free time during the days so I should pick a certain day because that is when his fiance is working..but lunch time is off limits and nights and weekend is off limits to me. I don't understand how he can give me one choice when they see eachother every weekend and I havent seen him in a month.

It honestly hurts me more than anything. I feel like I lost my mom and dad..

[the_admin]

I understand how you must be feeling like you have been abandoned but remember, you weren't the only one to lose your mom...your dad lost your mom too. It is a very scary feeling to lose your life partner and be faced with the prospect of growing old alone. Even though he has a daughter, you will eventually go off and have your own life and he will need to have someone there for him. He will probably calm down a bit but for now, he's probably excited about feeling alive again. I admit that he may be acting a bit childlike but do try to be as understanding as possible, for now, and see how it all goes. At least his girlfriend lives near you and that will give you a chance to visit with him. Don't "cut off your nose to spite your face", but take every opportunity to spend as much time with your dad as possible, even if it feels like it is in his spare time.

You never know, this woman may grow on you and become a good partner for your dad; maybe even a good friend to you too! Give it all a chance.