[lady1942]

I have been dating a widower for about a year. His wife had passed away four years before we first started dating. I was a little hesitant because of this but he fell hard into the relationship and told me he loved me after a really short period of time. He also now talks about having kids with me alot although I think he is ready for this but not for marriage. This confuses me as I would think the two go together. I am starting to feel he is not as "together" about his wife's death as initially suspected. It hurts me because it seems he is keeping emotionally distant from me and is scared to progress because he doesn't want to lose everything again. I feel helpless and wonder if I am wasting my time and if he is ever going to want to move forward. I also feel he is trying to keep our relationship on a casual level one day then talks about us taking things to the next level. Is this normal? How should I act to help him?

[Jill]

I can understand that you feel rather confused and unsure about the future. I wish I knew how old you both are in regard to children. Whether time is an issue.

I think your estimate of the situation is correct - that your friend still needs some time to get over his bereavement. So go slowly, give both of yourselves time to sort this out. It will be worth it in the end.