[kjangeleyes80]

My husbad and I have been married for 2 and a half years. We have always wanted a real wedding but it seemed like thing would never end. So here is the story and I would really like some input as to what you think.

We both serve in the military, he serves at Ft Bragg and I serve at Pope AFB. We got engaged in November of 2002 and we had set a wedding date for the May timeframe. Well come Begining of February he got orders for Iraq for close to a year, the following day I got orders for a deployment with no information, I did not know where I would be or when I would get back. So we did a justice ofthe peace wedding since without one if either of us got injured the other one would not be able to return home. The day was rainy and not very memorable for us, not to mention our witnesses are the worst people on the face of this earth and took us for all that we had while we were deployed. Anyways, we came back in June, due to what little we had starting out being destroyed due to what happened while we deployed. Then in late summer, my father passed away and my husband deployed again in September for 8 more months and has been gone off and on since his return. He finally due to get out of the military in Septemeber and I am finally getting to the point where I can face a wedding without my daddy. I want something more memorable than rain and two hateful winesses, is that wrong of me. I would like the dress, the party, the announcements, however I don't need the presents. I just want the memories.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Wants the Real Thing,

Yours is truly a sad story and you deserve a pretty wedding. However, you are already married, so you can't get married again to the same person without a divorce in the middle somewhere. What you can do is to have a reaffirmation or renewal of your vows. This can be a very nice ceremony quite similar to a wedding.

Typically, the father wouldn't be walking the bride, so this will be much easier for you. You could walk by yourself or a friend could walk with you if you decide to have a procession. You and your husband could even walk in from the side to the alter.

There are a number of components you wouldn't want to include, such as a wedding cake (often couples will have a copy of their first cake), attendants (couples will often have their original attendants, but you had none), and the garter and bouquet toss. Those just don't seem to make sense for those already married.

Your vows could be very special and personalized to reflect your bond and the problems that you have endured together.

This isn't considered a gift giving situation because you are not beginning a marriage. Most people consider this an anniversary present that you are giving to each other. Many may want to give you gifts only because they will know what you have been through. But, it is not appropriate to register because this will appear as if you expect gifts.

There is a lot of information about reaffirmations in many books. Just about any etiquette book will be helpful.

Best wishes,

[Deacon Bob]

Your situation is understandable. I agree this would be a renewal of vows and I would schedule it on an anniversary. This makes it consistant for celebration in the years to come and it is more logical for the guests being invited. Because of the unusual circumstances I think you might even be able to get away with some attendants and a cake. I am sure everyone will understand. Best wishes and God Bless.