how to include my daughter in the second wedding ceremony

#1 mcbrub

Newbie

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This will be my second marriage and his first. I want to include my daughter in the marriage ceremony, however since her father is very active in her life still I dont want to make any problems there. It almost seems if she is included in the vows that may cause problems. I think his outlook would be that she already has a very active father and I'm trying to push another one in the picture. I want to include her and still keep peace is there anyway of doing this. She loves my fiancee very much, however she knows that no one is trying to take her daddy's place either. Any help out there.

#2 the_admin

Remarriage Forum Moderator

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You know, I think you've answered your own question here. You've said that your daughter knows she has a father and no one is trying to take her place so that is most of the battle.

If you are on friendly terms with her father you may want to let him know how you feel, what you understand about your daughter's feelings and that he does not need to feel threatened in any way. Your fiance's role in your daughters life can be anything they decide it will be without infringing on her realtionship with her father.

Kids can never get too much love so what's wrong with adding another person to love her into the mix?

You can include your daughter in the ceremony, age appropriately, at any level which makes everyone comfrtable. Let her know that this isn't a ceremony to replace her father but a celebration of your love for your fiance and the begining of a new chapter in your lives.

I Do - Take Two Moderator

#3 Deacon Bob

INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON

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Location:Ellicott City, Maryland
Interests:Deacon Bob Tousey was ordained an Independent Catholic Deacon in July, 2001 at Fort Belvoir, Virgina by Bishop Thomas Clary. He is a past International Vice President for Parents Without Partners. He has presented seminars on leadership and relationship issues throughout the United States and Canada. Bob is also a regular contributor to the Single Parent magazine writing on family and leadership issues.
Bob is a divorced father of two children Chris is his 24 year old Step Son and Stephanie is his 15 year old daughter.

It is great to see that you are considering the feelings of your daughter's dad. When I was getting married I sat down with my soon to be step son and explained how much I loved him but knew that his dad loved him to and that I would never replace him. I think this is one of the reasons we continue 18 years later to have a strong and loving relationship. I also made sure to include his dad in some of our outtings to the ballpark and I am happy to say I was able to develop a wonderful relationship with his dad as well.

Now to the question of the moment. Your daughter can certainly be in the wedding party. If your daughter is a good reader she could read one of the prayers or biblical readings. She could read something she wrote herself welcoming your husband as her step dad.

If she is going to be included in the vows she could accept your new husband as her step father who along with you and her father will provide her guidance. You new husband could promise to support her and along with you and her dad provide her guidance as she grows up.

I hope your new husband and daughter have as wonderful a relationship as my step son and I do these many years later. God Bless.

Deacon Bob Tousey
Independant catholic Deacon